Why Infidelity is Wrong 100% of the Time

Infidelity may be defined as any sexual activity between two individuals, at least one of whom is married, but who are not married to each other. Tragically, it is rampant in our society. From TV commercials to novels to the internet, adultery is everywhere. In certain segments of our society, it is even encouraged, supposedly as a means of keeping one’s marriage fresh and interesting.

Even among Christians, it is a sad fact that a large percentage have become so desensitized to marital unfaithfulness that we actually find ourselves rooting for two characters in a book, movie, or TV show to hook up even though one of them is already married to someone else. We tell ourselves it’s okay “because they love each other and, anyway, x’s husband doesn’t appreciate her.”

We have even softened the word for the betrayal of one’s marriage vows by calling it “a love affair” or “infidelity” rather than calling it what God calls it, namely, “adultery.” After all, the word “adultery” sounds so harsh, and we wouldn’t want anyone to feel like we were judging them, right?

God, however, does not have any such sensibilities. The Bible makes liberal use of the word “adultery” in all its offensive bluntness. Since His Word is our standard for truth rather than the sin-tainted sensitivities of either ourselves or our culture, we must allow God to set the terms for both how we understand infidelity and what words we use when we talk about it. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we help individuals and couples navigate the pain of betrayal with biblical truth, grace, and healing.

4 Reasons Why Infidelity is Wrong

The teaching of the Bible makes it abundantly clear that “infidelity” or “adultery” is always wrong 100% of the time, with no exceptions. Or, to put it conversely, there is never a situation where sex outside of marriage is permitted.

Our culture has the attitude, “How can it be wrong when it feels so right?” Sex is good and beautiful, but only within the marriage covenant. Outside of that sacred bond, sex is ugly, twisted, and sinful, regardless of how good it might feel.

There are several reasons why infidelity is always wrong; here are four of them:

1. God hates it.

Consider how seriously the Bible treats the sin of adultery:

The Ten Commandments prohibit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)

Many people think that the Ten Commandments are a set of narrow rules that are relatively easy to keep. They think that if they have not stolen anything or killed anyone, they have kept those commandments, but this is a grave misunderstanding of the Ten Commandments.

The particular sins that they prohibit are representative of classes of sins, of which the sins that they mention are the pinnacle. In other words, murder is the pinnacle of disrespect for the sacredness of life, stealing tops the list for disrespect for the sacredness of property, lying is the peak of disrespect for the sacredness of truth, etc. This means that adultery is the pinnacle of disrespect for the sacredness of the covenant bond of marriage.

The book of Proverbs strongly warns against adultery.

The book of Proverbs spends a great deal of time warning its readers against committing adultery. The reader is warned that adultery is like “walking on hot coals” or “holding something burning against your chest” (Proverbs 6:27-28).

It warns that committing adultery is courting destruction in a social sense as well as in a spiritual sense (Proverbs 6:32-33). Indeed, committing adultery is a sign that God is angry with you. He has allowed you to go your own way and pursue your sinful desires (Proverbs 22:14).

Adultery is one of only two biblically lawful reasons for divorce.

In Matthew 5:32, Jesus lists adultery as the only lawful exception to the prohibition on divorce. (The Apostle Paul lists the other reason in 1 Corinthians 7:13). This is because the marriage vows are sacred and binding, and adultery is the only sin that is serious enough to strike at the heart of the marriage covenant.

We could easily stop there since the prohibition of God’s Word should be sufficient reason to hate and avoid adultery. However, there are other reasons that infidelity is always wrong.

2. Adultery breaks your wedding vows.

Traditional wedding vows include the words “forsaking all others” or “I pledge you my faith,” indicating the exclusivity of the relationship. Committing adultery means that you are breaking your vows to your spouse.

Many modern vows have softened or even removed this language, but whether or not your marriage vows included words of exclusivity is irrelevant. Entering into a marriage covenant is always on God’s terms, never on human terms, regardless of race, culture, religion, or philosophy.

In God’s eyes, you were implicitly promising exclusivity to your spouse simply by virtue of the fact that you entered into marriage at all. Though you may not have said the words, God heard them and will hold you to them.

3. Adultery speaks lies about Christ.

Ephesians 5:22-33 is a well-known passage about the relationship between husbands and wives. Husbands are told to love their wives “as Christ loved the church,” giving Himself sacrificially to redeem her from sin. Husbands are to demonstrate the same kind of love for their wives by putting their own desires aside in order to do spiritual good to them, loving their wives as they love “their own bodies.” This means that they are to protect and nourish their wives. Wives are told to lovingly submit to their husbands’ authority and to respect them.

The passage further tells us that marriage is a profound mystery and that it is a picture of Christ and His church. The husband is a picture of Christ and the wife is a picture of the church. If that is the case, then to commit adultery is to speak lies about Christ and His church. It is to tell the watching world that Christ is unfaithful to the church and that the church is unfaithful to Him.

4. Adultery endangers one’s soul.

It may seem strange to suggest that adultery endangers one’s soul. After all, aren’t we taught that God forgives our sins? However, Hebrews 13:4 reads, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Marriage is to be honored, and adultery or any other kind of sexual immorality is prohibited. This is not merely a suggestion. The verse tells us that “God will judge” those who engage in sexual immorality or adultery.

Paul lists adulterers along with several other kinds of sinners who will “not inherit the kingdom of God.” These are strong words, and they mean that those who commit adultery are proving themselves to be outside of the grace of God.

Saving Your Marriage After an Affair

Is there ever a situation in which a person is justified in being sexually unfaithful to their spouse? The answer is a resounding “NO!” While abuse, neglect, coldness, or even withholding of sex on the part of one’s spouse are, without question, unacceptable sins, they are never and can never be a justification for a person to sin against God’s commands.

It is also important to note that adultery is not the unforgivable sin. However, to be forgiven of adultery (or any other sin, for that matter), a person must give it up through genuine repentance and faith. The road back to mutual trust and healing from the betrayal of adultery will be long and hard, but if the adulterer is committed to repentance and the victim to forgiveness and restoration, the marriage can be saved.

If your marriage has been struck by adultery and you are both committed to saving the marriage, the time to get help is now. Christian marriage counseling can make the difference that will keep your marriage from ending. A licensed Christian marriage counselor will come alongside you and guide you down the path toward healing and health. Christian Counselors at Lake Forest Christian Counseling can provide the guidance and support you need.