Sex and Pornography Addiction: Signs and How to Get Help

We are living in unprecedented times. Never has it been so easy to access anything we want with complete privacy and secrecy. With the click of a few buttons, we can order a pizza, plan a vacation, go shopping, or access pornography.

We can be sitting in a room with our family and they have no idea if we’re playing a game, reading an article, or making arrangements with a prostitute. It all looks the same to those around us as we’re sitting with our heads down on our phones and hidden away in our secret internet world.

This instant and easy access to everything in the world has definite advantages. It has made meeting new friends and staying in touch with old ones easier than our ancestors ever could have dreamed. We’re able to be more informed and knowledgeable than ever before. Boredom is a thing of the past. Most likely there is not one area of your life that looks the same as it did before the internet existed. It is a powerful tool. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we help individuals navigate the digital age with mindfulness and faith.

The internet is what has brought you to this article. Perhaps you came searching for help with a problem that may have started on the internet. Or maybe it is a problem that started with a magazine a friend showed you when you were younger. The internet has allowed the problem to grow, become more secretive, and easier to access but harder to overcome.

Pornography addiction and sex addiction have been with us for much longer than the internet. Yet the internet has made it easier to fulfill that addiction. It also provides more anonymity than buying a magazine at an adult store did.

If you are struggling with these addictions or looking for resources to help someone who is, we hope this article will help. We are going to look at ways that sex and pornography addiction might display themselves, warning signs, and ways to get help. Help and release from these addictions are possible. There is hope even in a world where it is so easy to access.

What is Sex Addiction?

The name gives us most of the information we need for understanding this addiction. Individuals dealing with this may also be called hypersexual. Those who have this form of addiction think about sex and engage in sexual activities more often than others. They are unable to control sexual behavior, thoughts, and/or impulses. Daily life, relationships, and health impacts can be a result of this addiction.

It can manifest itself in different ways. Some maintain a monogamous relationship. Thinking about sex with their partner may consume their waking hours and they often neglect daily tasks to have sex. Rape within their relationship can also occur.

When they are not having sex, they may masturbate excessively. Sex addiction in a monogamous relationship can be more confusing to identify. Speaking to the other partner can be helpful to figure out if they are consenting with the frequency of sex.

In other cases, infidelity, multiple relationships, and prostitutes may become involved. Addicts may sneak out of their home to have sex with someone else. They may make arrangements with a prostitute online or in-person.

These individuals may also engage in online sexual behavior beyond pornography while not actually having intercourse with anyone other than their partner. Pornography use is almost always present with sexual addiction as well.

What is Pornography Addiction?

There is not an official diagnosis of this addiction in diagnostic criteria. Yet, most professionals agree individuals can become addicted to pornography. This addiction is characterized by a compulsive need for pornography use and consumption. It usually accompanies masturbation as well. Most often the porn is used in isolation but may sometimes be used around others.

What are some signs of pornography addiction and sex addiction?

Common signs that may appear with either addiction include:

• Hiding internet usage
• Hiding finances
• Spending increasing amounts of money
• Secrecy of behavior
• Escalation of behavior
• Escalation of the danger one is willing to face to satisfy the addiction
• Lying
• Marriage, dating, and relationship problems
• Depression and/or anxiety
• Sleep disturbances
• Boredom is controlled by porn, sex, masturbating, or other behaviors
• Habitual masturbation
• Efforts to reduce porn use or sexual behavior are unsuccessful
• Difficulty gaining arousal from normal stimuli
• Decreased libido

Signs unique to pornography addiction are:

• Excessive thinking about porn
• Obsessive use
• Looking for a “quick fix”
• Ignoring other responsibilities and daily tasks to access porn
• Risky behaviors to access porn such as accessing at work
• Turning to porn with boredom
• Decreased satisfaction with sex life
• Pressures a spouse/partner to act out sex acts seen in porn even if they’re uncomfortable
• Inability to become aroused without it
• Erectile dysfunction in men, lack of arousal and orgasm with sex in both genders
• Unrealistic expectations with sex
• Increase in the amount of, or intensity, of porn viewed to achieve arousal

Signs unique to sex addiction are:

• Obsessive thinking about sex
• Having sex or acting out sexually so often that it interferes with daily life
• Guilt after sex
• Sexual relationships with multiple partners and even strangers without any commitment
• Going into dangerous situations to have sex or sexual behavior
• Behaviors may become inappropriate, illicit, or illegal
• Engaging in behaviors without concern of other parties

Remember, not everyone will show all these signs. Sexual activity is a normal and healthy part of life. Exploring and enjoying your sexuality with your spouse is a beautiful part of marriage. It’s ok to think about sex during the day too. The concern is when these thoughts interfere with day-to-day life and sex becomes an interruption to daily life.

How to overcome pornography addiction and sex addiction

Counseling is the first place to go when dealing with either of these addictions. A counselor can help you determine why you’re stuck in this behavior and how to overcome it. They can help without judgment or condemnation. Counselors can also help individuals with disclosure to their spouse/partner and anyone else involved.

Marriage therapy will often be necessary for married individuals. This may take place as some 1:1 counseling and some counseling together. These addictions can be deeply wounding to marriages and can lead to a lot of trust issues. A counselor can help restore the marriage and help couples figure out how to have a healthy sex life.

Lifestyle Changes

Often these addictions developed out of boredom, seasons of depression or anxiety, or out of self-esteem struggles. Counseling is crucial to identify and work through these struggles. Some of the following lifestyle changes may also help.

• Install internet filters
• Delete all saved websites
• Get rid of your smartphone
• Use the internet only in public or on a computer with someone else around
• Cultivate a plan for boredom or when feeling triggered to fall into old habits
• A sex sabbath/vacation: some individuals do best not engaging in any sort of sexual activity for a season to allow the body to calm down and remember how to respond to normal stimuli
• Exercise
• In some cases, dietary changes can be helpful

Out-patient programs may be useful for some individuals for whom something more involved than counseling is needed. These programs can be especially helpful as they prohibit any sort of internet access and help teach coping skills and healthy sexual attitudes and activities to participants. These can last from 1 week to several months with the participant going home in the evenings.

Support Groups are often hosted by counseling offices. These can be places to find accountability, share stories, and to feel less alone. Groups for the spouse of the addict also exist and can be quite therapeutic for both involved.

In-patient programs may be recommended for those with severe or uncontrollable addiction. These are like the out-patient programs, but the individual would stay on-site overnight. Most of these programs are around twenty-one days with ongoing counseling and support afterward.

Medication is sometimes used as well. This is most often used when individuals are dealing with depression and/or anxiety alongside their addiction.

If you are struggling with sexual addiction there is no time to waste in getting help. Christian Counselors at Lake Forest Christian Counseling can provide the support and guidance you need. Christian counseling for sex and pornography addiction can help you to find freedom from your bondage.