10 Ways to Rebuild Connection in Marriage

Intimacy and connection are vital to a healthy, thriving marriage, but a lack of connection is one of the biggest complaints couples have. Even without children, couples can get so caught up in work and recreation in their schedules that they neglect to spend time with one another.

When there are kids in the family, it is even harder to intentionally connect. To keep one’s marriage alive and thriving for a long time, couples need to prioritize each other. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we help couples nurture their relationship amidst life’s demands.

10 Simple Ways to Rebuild Connection in Marriage

Here are ten simple ways to rebuild a connection with your spouse:

1. Have a fifteen-minute conversation every day.

In this exercise, put away all devices – cell phones, TVs, and tablets. Spend at least fifteen minutes of undivided attention in conversation with one another. Undivided attention is one of the most powerful tools in communication.

This could be any time of day, but ideally, in person and at a time of the day where there is no rush to get to the next thing in the schedule, kids are asleep or busy, and each partner has enough energy to devote enough attention to the other. In this conversation, be careful not to interrupt the other, to actively listen, and make eye contact.

2. Go on regular dates.

Many couples do not prioritize dates after the period of dating when their relationship started. However, it is vital to build connection by carving out regular time away from the house to do something together. Dates could be simple and inexpensive or complex and expensive.

Either way, dates need to happen. Some choose dates once a week, some once a month. It does not matter how often, if the rhythm works for the couple. Regular date nights help the couple continue to know one another deeply, which is one of the foundations of a strong relationship.

3. Go on a walk.

Take a hike together; walk around the block or the neighborhood; drive to a park and walk together. Find a way to go on a walk. The wonderful thing about this experience is that devices are away, being outside is good for the mental and physical health, and it allows for good conversation.

Another comparable way to connect is to get active together. Go for a run, ride bikes, etc. When in conflict, taking a walk together is an effective way to clear the mind and stay calm to have a resolving conversation.

4. Pray together.

Individual times of prayer is key to one’s spiritual, emotional, and mental health, but praying with others opens a new level of vulnerability and intimacy. This often allows each person to share deep heart cries and longings, things that he or she may have not been able to share.

These are moments to petition God on behalf of the couple, the family, and others. These are times to present fears and sadness and confusion and anger before God, and these are moments to praise Him together.

Prayer can bring hope when hope feels gone, peace when anxiety reigns, comfort in despair, and healing in brokenness. Marriages face so many hardships – things that threaten to break the relationship. While prayer does not have inherent power, the God that we pray to does. He can help you through any struggles you might be having.

5. Go on a trip.

It does not have to be fancy; it could be an overnight stay at a local hotel, or it could be a longer trip somewhere farther away. Many couples never do this, but it is so good for them to be able to get away from life worries, house chores, arguing children, and work demands. This gives them a longer amount of time to reconnect, to talk, to be more sexually intimate, and to have worry-free fun.

This is also good for everyone’s mental health. Work-life balance feels nearly impossible much of the time in life, and the stressors continue to pile up, especially here lately. Going on a trip can relieve some stress and bring rest.

6. Make a list of all the fun things you both enjoy.

This can be a fun activity in and of itself. Think of all the fun things you did together when dating at the beginning of the relationship. Each person can also think of fun things you enjoy individually or together. Write as many as possible. Then use dates or family time to do some of those things together.

This again can be stress-relieving and can bring joy and laughter. When marriages are struggling, it is difficult to find joy, so it is important to do things that lift your spirit. Many call laughter the best medicine, and that seems to be true in marriage, too.

7. Ask intentional questions.

Asking thoughtful and intentional questions is an effective way to show your spouse that you care. Instead of the basic, “how was your day,” questions consider your questions. “What was the best and worst moment of your day and why?” is more intentional. These could be asked in the fifteen-minute conversation or anytime during the day.

If your spouse seems upset, ask questions that clarify his feelings and give him room to share about what is wrong. If your spouse seems confused, ask questions that help bring her clarity. Asking intentional questions takes practice over time, but they can make all the difference. It is one of the most loving things you can do, and it builds deeper knowledge and trust in the relationship.

8. Cook together.

This seems like a simple activity that has nothing to do with reconnecting, but it can be an enjoyable thing to do if the couple likes to cook. It can be quality time, a way to work together, and an opportunity to talk. Even though you would not have each other’s undivided attention, you would have each other’s company. Sometimes that is all a couple needs.

9. Do a project.

This could be an art project or some sort of creative endeavor or it could be a project around the house. It could also be a community project or work project but doing a project together can encourage teamwork and team building. Marriages are not just about intimate, romantic moments. They are about being able to work together, make tough decisions, compromise, and accept each other’s help.

Doing a project together is a small way to help cultivate those skills. Plant some flowers. Paint an old piece of furniture or a room that needs updating. Clean out the car. Write a song. Pick out a new rug. Fix an appliance. These are things that can be done alone, but doing it together can be fun, too.

10. Serve together.

This is not often discussed, but serving others is another effective tool for balanced health. Serving others together helps puts things into perspective in the marriage. It sets aside minor couple differences, minor disputes, and even the stress of life that can be hard on a marriage. It helps the couple have a distinct perspective, develop empathy and compassion, and love others as God has asked.

They can volunteer at their local church, serve the poor in their community, make a meal for a family in need, donate old clothes or items, or even go on a mission trip. Doing any ministry together can be taxing on the relationship, but it can bring you together. Think of something that both of you can contribute to those around you.

Christian Couples Counseling

Couples complain in counseling about not feeling connected to each other, not feeling loved or pursued. These are just ten things that can help foster the intimacy they need. Neglecting the friendship and romance, among other things, can be the end of a marriage. Make sure they aren’t the end of yours.

Visit our online counselor directory to schedule an appointment with a Christian couples counselor at Lake Forest Christian Counseling or the surrounding areas today.