Growing in Self-acceptance

You get to live with yourself all day every day. So, if you find it hard to spend time with yourself, that can make life difficult indeed. Various things can make it difficult for us to practice self-acceptance – it may be something about our physical features, or we may wish for a different set of interests, personality, or emotional disposition. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we help you embrace who you are and find peace in your God-given identity.

It could be that we lack certain gifts and talents and feel inadequate as a result. Or we may have something about our past, be it something we’ve done or something that was done to us, that makes us struggle to come to terms with ourselves. Other people and their voices can have a huge hand in causing unease in our lives, but we too can be our own worst critic even while people sing our praises.

Self-acceptance is an important part of mental and emotional health. When we are okay with who we are, it addresses the anxieties, self-criticism, stress, and other things that typically happen when we feel uneasy about ourselves. When we’re okay with ourselves, we don’t have to change ourselves into someone else’s version of ourselves to fit in and be loved. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we help you cultivate self-acceptance and find confidence in your God-given identity.

We can be just who God created us to be and find rest from our constant striving for acceptance. This is tougher than ever, especially in our social media age where people apply filters to everything – their lives, physical appearance, and interests.

We curate our public selves to live up to a shifting ideal of who we wish we were, and sometimes people go beyond social media filtering to get cosmetic surgery so that they look like their filtered online selves and heroes. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s never been more important for individuals to find self-acceptance. As one person said, “If you live for people’s acceptance, you’ll die from their rejection.”

What is self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance is about embracing who you are, all your attributes, both the good and the bad. It’s only when we wholly and truly accept ourselves that we can even start the process of meaningfully improving ourselves as people, though putting it that way seems counter-intuitive at first.

The therapist Russell Grieger once said that in accepting ourselves, we know we make mistakes and have flaws, but we don’t let them define us “You accept that, as a fallible human being, you are less than perfect. You will often perform well, but you will also err at times,” he said.

Followers of Jesus know this much to be true – we are not perfect people. Recognizing that reality about ourselves, and still being able to see ourselves as loved, valuable, and worthy of dignity is the start toward self-acceptance.

When we accept the reality of our less-than-perfect selves, we can begin to embrace our true selves, love ourselves, and improve our traits and qualities that are less than desirable. Self-acceptance is about seeing everything about ourselves and simply acknowledging that that is who we are.

Does self-acceptance mean anything goes?

If we accept ourselves as we are, the good, bad, and the ugly, does that mean that anything goes, that I should be at peace with the bad things I’ve done or with the unsavory or unhealthy aspects of my personality? This is the point at which people can get tripped up in talking about self-acceptance, especially for disciples of Jesus who frame their existence considering who God is and what he has called his people to be.

Being able to fully accept yourself does not mean that anything goes and that you don’t need to change. The main point behind self-acceptance is to acknowledge the reality of who you are and where you are right now. Accepting the reality of who you are and what you have done does not necessarily mean you like that reality or condone it.

To embrace yourself and all your flaws doesn’t mean that you accept unhealthy or harmful actions or co-sign any bad behavior. Accepting yourself when you’ve done terrible things is not about condoning or approving those actions, traits, and characteristics; it’s about being clear-eyed and seeing that you did engage in those actions and that those undesirable traits and characteristics form a real part of who you are.

In the same way, accepting yourself for who you are as a person, the qualities you possess, and acknowledging the things you may have done does not mean that you must appreciate or celebrate every aspect of yourself.

But embracing and accepting those unsavory bits of yourself as a part of who you are is a first and vital step in improving or getting rid of the things that you don’t like about yourself. The ability to accept ourselves can, over time, lead us to focus less on our negative aspects and to begin engaging in acts of self-love that lead to a fuller and more fulfilled life.

How do we begin growing in self-acceptance?

Self-acceptance is a process. You may not arrive all at once at the place where you accept yourself, but that’s okay too. For all of us, some imperfect things about ourselves bug us, and others that are mildly irritating. When it comes to self-acceptance, take what you get, especially if you accept yourself, and come to terms with the things you’ve struggled with the most in your life. There are several steps you can take on your journey toward self-acceptance.

Be kind to yourself. Often, we are our own worst critics, and we are harsh with ourselves about our shortcomings. Don’t be so critical of yourself and speak kindly to yourself. Positive self-talk goes a long way in helping you gain a more balanced view of yourself because of how our brains are wired to process negative thoughts and emotions more thoroughly.

Take time to examine your self-criticism and put-downs, asking yourself what it is you don’t accept about yourself. As you examine these things, bring compassion and understanding to bear on each aspect of your self-rejection.

Forgiveness is key. We are often quite judgmental of ourselves, and many of those judgments are simply untrue or unwarranted, especially if our lack of self-acceptance stems from something that was done to us. Shame and guilt can have a hold on us when we’re not to blame and ought to let them go. Forgiving yourself and others helps you to move on from what is past and live in the here and now.

You are accepted. God saves us just as we are, not as we hope to be or as we will be in the future. Just as we are. “When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Because of his grace, he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life” (Titus 3:4-7). For the believer, because God accepts us just as we are, we are confident that we are accepted and loved, and this unconditional acceptance grounds our self-acceptance.

The story of the lost son from Luke 15 echoes this point. The wayward son wanted to make a long speech debasing himself before his father because of the huge mess he’d made of things, but his father welcomed him home and embraced him without even letting him finish his little speech.

God accepts us like that. Jesus spent time with the tax collectors and “sinners,” something that was simply not done. But that was demonstrating to us how God takes us in just as we are here and now, adopting us as sons and daughters. Learn and embrace this truth.

How do I know if I’ve “arrived” at accepting myself?

Being okay with who you are can take various shapes for different people. You must look at your circumstances to see if you’ve “arrived.” It may also be the case that you can accept yourself in some negative areas but not in others, and while this is not ideal, keep working on it.

You will know that you have achieved the goal of self-acceptance when you can look at yourself squarely and accept the things that make you who you are, and when you no longer try to ignore or excuse any perceived or real flaws. Christian Counselors at Lake Forest Christian Counseling can help guide you on this journey toward self-acceptance and personal growth.