Getting Old and Bold with Your Spouse Enjoying the Golden Years Together

Whether you have been married to the same person for fifty years or remarried one year ago, you may be excited and slightly nervous about retirement and enjoying your golden years together. But getting old also means increased risks of developing physical and mental conditions and relying on your spouse to care for you if needed.

Speaking up for your own needs and working with your spouse to maintain and nurture your relationship is imperative to enjoying the second half of your life. Getting old is a mindset, but being bold and loving is part of graceful aging. At Lake Forest Christian Counseling, we support couples in building strong, fulfilling relationships at every stage of life.

Tips for enjoying the golden years

What plans do you have for retirement? Do you and your spouse want to travel the world or buy a smaller home in a warmer climate? Or do you just want to buy a couple of rocking chairs and take it easy while watching the grandchildren play?

Your golden years are personal to you and your spouse. But you want to ensure that your relationship stays strong and that you grow even closer in this season.

Here are some tips for getting old with your spouse while embracing grace and boldness.

Grow in emotional intimacy

Sometimes with getting old, there is less emphasis on physical intimacy and more on emotional intimacy. The closeness and vulnerability we share with someone make us feel seen, heard, and understood. It is a safe place located inside a person.

Have you ever looked at your spouse and felt like you were home? Their love and acceptance provide a safe environment to share your worries and deepest secrets. You can increase the emotional intimacy in your marriage by actively listening to each other, admitting when you have made a mistake, and being honest.

Set goals together

A shared goal can bring two people closer together. When was the last time you and your spouse looked forward to accomplishing something together? For example, maybe you purchased a home to update or decided to design a flower garden. Perhaps you decided to take a different world cruise every year.

Maybe your goals are not big after all. They could be about joining a weight loss group to learn how to eat healthily and make exercise a part of your daily routine. Or maybe it is to learn something new together. Whatever activity you choose, set a desired goal and work on it as a couple.

Come to an agreement about finances

When planning retirement, financial planning is critical. You need to have enough money from various sources to last the rest of your life. That means accepting that you must live on a budget and monitor excessive spending.

You must get on the same page with your spouse about finances. Learn how to budget, save, and invest. You may want to consider side hustles you can do together for extra income. For example, maybe one of you can work as an Uber driver while the other rides along. Or, if you love to garden, consider opening a vendor’s table at the farmer’s market. Just make sure that you both agree on how to manage the finances.

Get on the same page about adult children

Do you and your spouse argue about your adult children? For example, do you have an adult child who asks for money or wants to take control of your health and finances? Adult children typically mean well and react out of worry and fear. However, it is up to you and your spouse to agree on where children (and grandchildren) are concerned.

Instituting healthy boundaries may initially anger grown children, but they are necessary. When it comes to your well-being, health, finances, or relationship, you and your spouse have the right to do what you feel is best.

Firmly announce your boundaries and what you will not tolerate, then act accordingly, but with kindness. There will come a time when you may need to rely more on your grown children. In the meantime, assert your independence and ask that they respect your decisions.

Talk about your desires and fears

If you have never been one to express your desires and fears, now is the time to work up the courage. Feeling safe enough in a relationship to share your concerns is a sign of a solid foundation. Likewise, to grow old together, you will need a strong foundation rooted in love, kindness, honor, and mutual respect.

When your spouse feels they can confide in you, your intimacy increases. Spend time in deep, meaningful conversations. Let your spouse know that you are available if they want to talk and that you are willing to listen – even if it is something hard to hear. No one likes bad news, but your spouse needs to know that you will listen to the challenges and “ugly” truths.

Pursue your hobbies separately from your spouse

You may be tempted to spend every waking moment with your spouse after retirement, but pursuing hobbies and interests separate from your spouse will boost your mental health. Having your own “thing” to throw your energy into helps you to maintain your independence. Staying independent is critical to your self-confidence and esteem.

However, codependency is unhealthy. A codependent relationship can develop when you rely heavily on your spouse (or vice versa) to meet your physical and emotional needs, and your partner feeds into this wanting to feel needed.

As a grown adult, you need to be able to function without your spouse. Hobbies and interests give you that time to be yourself and not the other half of a union. Pursue your interests with a passion, and when you do spend time with your spouse, it will be all the sweeter.

Let your spouse know you are thinking of them

Let your spouse know you are thinking about them with little gifts, messages, or texts to rekindle your romance. For example, when you are out shopping and see an item or food your sweetheart would enjoy, pick it up for them. It doesn’t have to be a holiday or birthday for you to give gifts.

Messages go a long way toward showing your spouse that they are always on your mind. Consider leaving them a flirty text message or writing it on a sticky note and leaving it where they are sure to see it. Think outside the box on ways to surprise them. Even small deeds like making your spouse dinner when they’ve had a long day or bringing them homemade lemonade build intimacy.

Communicate with your spouse about sex

If you and your spouse have open communication, you will find discussing sexual needs and challenges easier. As we age, physical issues can cause sex to be painful, challenging, or undesirable. For example, in men, the prostate gland can inflame and cause problems. Erectile dysfunction is also common in some older men.

Women in menopause may experience vaginal dryness that can lead to painful intercourse or difficult orgasms. Instead of distancing yourself from your spouse out of shame or embarrassment, discuss the matter with them.

Your spouse has every right to know what is happening, as this affects them also. Consult a physician about any challenges. The doctor may be able to prescribe a medication to help the condition or refer you to a specialist.

When getting old is the problem

Do you dread getting old? Do you see other couples easing into retirement and wonder what you are missing? Are you afraid that you and your spouse will grow apart? Then, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor specializing in marriage counseling and aging issues.

When you have spent decades working and raising a family, you want time to spend with the one you love, enjoying life together. Take your relationship one step further and return to the dating and newlywed stage of your union. Watch your love blossom and your connection deepen when you focus on your spouse and the rest of your lives. Christian Counselors at Lake Forest Christian Counseling can help you rekindle that connection.