Is Your Teen Too Hard on Himself or Herself?

It’s no surprise that a teen goes through ups and downs in their daily life. With changes in their bodies, hormones, social life, emotions, and family, they have a lot going on. But sometimes they develop a pattern of being too hard on themselves.

It is important to understand whether a teen is appropriately handling his or her mistakes or if he or she is self-criticizing, showing perfectionist tendencies, and being overly judgmental of what he or she does.

There are some questions to consider when thinking about your teen.

Does your teen repeatedly self-criticize over minor mistakes?

We all make mistakes. Most of them are minor, especially in a teen’s daily life. Maybe your teen forgot to do chores or got a poor grade because he or she forgot an assignment. If these things happen to your teen, how does he or she handle it?

If your teen makes a minor mistake and harps on what he did wrong, he or she may be too hard on himself or herself.

Do they let things go after correcting a mistake?

When people make a minor mistake and correct it, they usually let it go. For example, if someone forgot to return a phone call, the healthy response is to accept responsibility, apologize, and move on.

Think about your teen in a similar situation. Would he or she be able to move on? Or would he or she repeatedly focus on the mistake, unable to move past it? If your teen has trouble moving on from minor mistakes, he or she may be too hard on himself or herself.

Do you find them ignoring self-care?

It’s no surprise that a teenager’s life is busy. With all the pressures of family, school, and the future, it can feel like a lot to juggle. But that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be space for self-care.

Sometimes people forgo self-care because they feel like they don’t deserve it or they haven’t earned it. When a teen is overly critical of himself or herself, he or she may try to make up for it by foregoing things like rest or doing something enjoyable. If you find this happening, your teen may be overly critical of himself or herself.

If someone treats your teen poorly, does he or she act like it’s his or her fault?

Everyone can have a tendency sometimes to take responsibility for things that do not belong to them. When someone treats your teen poorly, however, that has more to do with the person that treated them poorly than it does with your teen.

If they second-guess who they are whenever something like this happens, it may be because he or she is hard on himself or herself.

Does your teen talk about how he or she messes everything up and feels like a failure?

Teens can have unusual ways of expressing their thoughts. But if you notice that they frequently say that they always gets something wrong, never do things right, nothing ever go his or her way, or that he or she keeps messing things up, it shows something about his or her thinking. These are clues that he or she tends to be self-critical.

Does your teen call himself or herself negative names?

Notice the names your teen uses to describe himself or herself. While sometimes teens can be harsh, repeated use of negative names about themselves is a sign that something is wrong.

What you can do to help your teen

Start by noticing.

Awareness can help you know the best way to move forward.

Encourage your teen.

Be truthful and gentle in your encouragement. Teens can spot fake praise and will then disregard you completely.

Consider counseling.

This is a great way to support your teen and help him or her learn new strategies for handling things in life as well as address self-criticism and identity issues.

Connect with a counselor at Lake Forest Christian Counseling to see how he or she can help. The counselors in Lake Forest are trained to help teens work through their feelings and develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. Reach out today.